I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
