OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
