This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
