The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
