we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
