Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
