You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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