I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
