She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
