thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
