I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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