nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
