maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
