my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
