just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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