its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
