Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
