do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
