Dual....:-)
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
