Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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