I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
