I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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