My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
