everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
