Your face is a jimmy john
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
