Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize