i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
