y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
