Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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