her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
