she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
