"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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