I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
