Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
