my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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