I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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