What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
