she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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