You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we made out on top of his cat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
