another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
