dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
