He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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