Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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