u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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