My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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