Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
