Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
