Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
