things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize