no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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