its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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