i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
how drunk are you?
Several
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
