Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
