so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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