JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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