She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
