any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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