i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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