he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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