If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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