How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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