do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
