im six kinds of drunk right now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize