I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
