operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
