If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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