I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
