Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He felt like a one man threesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
