you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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