he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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