Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize