idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I color on your dick again?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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