bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
